Today, I had one of those moments that alters us inexplicably in a matter of just a few seconds. You know-one of those moments that blindsides you out of nowhere, takes your breath away and shakes your foundation just enough to cause a shift-one you will never be able to fully undo.
I was standing at the checkout line of a local Asian market. Thanks to the popularity of sushi, this particular store has the freshest fish around, so I prefer to buy my Salmon there-to be honest, they also have a wide variety of exciting fruits like Lychees and Mangos which are honestly my biggest weakness in the world.
I was there with my two boys in tow, putting my groceries into my re-useable bags, )because if you choose not to use their bags, they will NOT bag your groceries. (!?))…
As I stepped back from the counter, I felt like my heel was on fire-jammed between cold metal and the floor-I assumed it was a grocery cart, and as I cried out, and turned around, it was a Pakistani man in a battery-powered wheelchair. He said sorry-as he looked around to see who it was who had been hurt. When he saw me doubled over and holding on to the edge of the checkout counter, the strangest thing happened.
He looked at me, and I could see that it registered on his face that I was a woman, and his demeanor completely changed. He suddenly looked me in the eye angrily, and shouted: “YOU Should watch where you’re GOING!” He put his nose in the air and glared at me annoyed as he rolled by.
It was significant, because in the physical position I was in, slightly bent-over, leaning hard against the end of the checkout, I was in a submissive position physically-hurting and shocked. I saw in his eyes this complete lack of compassion and a conviction about his status-that I was a mere woman, and not deserving of a true apology-or acknowledgment.
Suddenly I felt this rush of sensation-and women’s faces flashed before me. Generations of women disregarded, abused and tortured-regarded as nothing more than a convenience. I felt the sting of absolute humiliation and public disdain, and as I reeled from this vision-I held tighter to the checkout counter and wondered why noone offered to help me.
Not one person-including the cashier offered to help me. Everyone saw me struggling with little boys and bags of groceries, limping to my car in very obvious pain. And not one person asked me if I needed assistance.
I was processing this vision and feeling very much still “electric”, when we reached the car. One of my boys said they were “mad at that man”-and that he was “really bad for doing that and for yelling at me”. I looked into my boys’ soft brown eyes, and realized that what I had experienced in there-the vision I had had, was nothing compared to the next few sentences I would share with my boys.
It is important to me to have my boys grow up respecting women-I want them to cherish them, love them, treat them gently and listen to them when they speak. I know this is going very much against the “grain” in our society-especially with so much religious excuse for the disenfranchisement of women worldwide, and that this moment-this way of handling myself in this situation, would no doubt be important to accomplishing this task.
I answered them carefully:
“That man was wrong to hurt someone and then not apologize. But maybe he has been treated badly, and has a lot of angry feelings inside, and maybe noone has taught him that we don’t use angry feelings on or toward someone else. What he did was wrong, and it’s ok to feel angry about that, but let’s hope he finds people who will show him what love is, and that his heart gets better, and let’s let it go.”
Defined by a Hit and Run: 1 Point for Women. 0 Points for Injustice.