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Motherhood: A Call to Return to Joy. 

We spend a lot of time, money and effort in this “civilized” society,

Contradicting-covering up all signs of having been a mother-So much value is put on the “resilience” of womanhood, that we’ve forgotten the importance of transformation.

See, sometimes it is better to move forward-and not to go back to what we were before.

We go to classes to lose the “baby weight”, we use product to fade the stretch marks,

 And we go to great lengths to disguise, exercise away, and even surgically remove the “baby pooch”, or the now slightly less full and round breasts that becoming a mother has left us with.

But don’t believe it for a second.

One day, when your kids are grown, you will treasure those sagging breasts for the memories they bring of late night nursings, and children who curled up to you for comfort when they were afraid. The very same breasts that comforted your crying babe, will also comfort you one day-later in life.

Don’t be fooled by the glitz and pointless glamour of perfect bodies and lives untouched by children raised by daycare providers and nannies:

Motherhood, for all its difficulties, all its inconveniences and all its internal challenges-is intended, no created-to be transformational.

Here is the advice I would give to a younger “sister” about to embark on Motherhood:

Staying true to who you are is NOT the same thing as keeping the same friends and going out every Friday night, just as you did before children. Becoming a mother will sort-out your friends from the deadweight in your life, because you simply will not have the energy to spend maintaining friendships that don’t enrich.

Your body is supposed to be different. The pictures in magazines don’t do justice to the beauty that lies in a body that has been marked forever by the process of pregnancy and birth. There is no surgeon, no exercise, and no cream that can make a woman’s body as beautiful as the natural changes that occur when she is a vessel for life’s coming-forth.

Let Motherhood Change You.

When we hold our tiny babies in our arms, and no one else is around, we can hear our babies speaking to our hearts-whispering to us of free spirits, infinite love, peace that passes all understanding, and joy-the kind of joy that makes us dance in the rain, not caring who thinks we’ve lost our marbles. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself one day actually dancing in the rain-or jumping in mud puddles. Having children gives us the chance to live-the excuse to make memories that will last forever-sometimes memories that heal parts of our past and fulfill longings left unsatisfied as a child.

They also reflect back to us all that we used to be-once upon a time-before the Teachers: Hurt, Disappointment, Loneliness and Sadness joined our path. We are reminded that what we do to others affects their paths too-and our perception on our interconnectedness with all other living beings is changed forever. Mothers feel a deeper need to protect the innocent, fight for justice and cause lasting change to policies because we recognize that all people everywhere have been mothered. And that we are mothers to the world-and all its inhabitants.

We also realize suddenly one day, that if these small beings-who depend on us for their very lives-can choose us to care for them, we must live up to being worthy of this honor-and in order to accomplish this lofty goal, it is imperative to seek with all our hearts to understand what we are really capable of, and then to allow ourselves to be inspired to do what we never thought we could do before.

Motherhood is a process.

You will not be a perfect mother, just as you were not a perfect woman. Motherhood, the same as life-is a process, a journey. It is not a standard to live by, and there are no hard and fast definitions for what makes an ideal mother. You and your child will grow that definition each day-one day at a time. Don’t be hard on yourself.

Being a Mother will bring things to light.

Nothing will sort out confusing emotions and memories from our own childhood like being a mother. You WILL do things your parents did, simply because that’s all you know. Some of these things will be gems-things you are so glad you experienced and can now pass on. And some of these things will shock you-even anger you-because they go against what YOU believe parenting should be. Don’t chide yourself because of this. Take a deep breath, and be grateful for your awareness that gives you the chance to do better than the generation before you, and pray that your child does better in hers/his. Remember that you are redefining your own motherhood journey (and your child’s) every day.

Your children are of you, but do not belong to you. Don’t be fooled-they are full beings, and come here knowing more about the things that really matter than we do after all these years of “growing up”….because we have forgotten so much.

Being a mother teaches us just how to let go, and reminds us to have a sense of humor.  Kids WILL fill their diapers at the most inopportune times, and are guaranteed to start wailing at the exact moment you pray they will be still. They will be perfect angels all day until you arrive at your Mother in Law’s house, and they will never EVER sit still for photos. This is just the way it is. The faster you learn to choose your battles, the more fun with it you will have.

And finally fun is the thing.

Seriously. Even if some days you have to “fake it till you feel it”, have some kind of fun every single day. 

Without fun-this life of motherhood would be nothing more than piles of laundry, dishes and a constant and exhausting battle of wills. But with an element of fun? Well, your outlook is brighter, your children happier and your inner self more at peace. Maybe it’s the happiness you feel watching your little one discover something about the world you’ve taken for granted. Maybe it’s a tickle fight or a race to see who can get dressed in PJs the fastest.

It is these childlike thrills and small bits of guiltless pleasure that will make your experience of motherhood the journey to joy that was always intended. 

Filed under: unassisted birth, natural parenting, Childbirth preparation, Natural Health, midwives, natural birth, women, birth, spirituality, women's rights, Uncategorized on October 18th, 2009