I am not sure where you are at in the cycle of pregnancy and parenting but wherever you are I can bet, at some point, there has been some serious letting go!
As we are now in a phase of the New Moon, and a new season, it’s time to shed anything you may be hanging onto. A time to let go and allow for new possibilities. Fantastic I hear you say – what are my goals and longings for manifestation??? But before you jump to the end point, have a quick think about what is in the way. What do you need to be free of? How can you make some space? And, let me tell you, there are some letting’s go’s that are a little harder than others.
There’s always the little things we have to let go of in our days, like a sleepless night or the milk that your hubbie forgot to bring home or the windmill tantrum in the supermarket – they are definitely worth forgetting about as quickly as possible. But then….every once in a while parenting dishes you up a real big one! And honestly that’s where I am. I’m realising now that as my son prepares for highschool entry exams that I cannot protect him or even help him to get the results he needs. AAAhhhh…For me it’s like sitting in a car fishtailing and spinning in circles…I have total loss of control, anxiety attacks, stress projections, bad dreams, I try bribery, make demands, shout and then finally I have a big letting go!
Even with all my support around me and wisdom and many tools and practices it has been challenging. As a solo parent I have already been through many stages of ‘letting go’ of Leroy as he went to visit his dad more and more. (And therefore Leroy has always found sleepovers at friends so much easier which was great.) I even just booked him on a flight from London to Toronto unaccompanied….But this month was an absolutle doozie for me!
Our job as parents, particularly as mums, is to protect, nurture, attach and guide. We provide food, home, love love and more love, and then just a little bit more love along the way….But now I am learning that my beautiful and radiant, self expressed, healthy and happy son has his own karma in life. I can direct and finance; drive him to coaches and all sorts of lessons he might fancy and take him to great places around the world to inspire him but I cannot do the work for him!
He just plain refused on Sunday to do any extra maths – he avoided it all day and even fell asleep for 3 hours on the floor instead of working (the only siesta he has had in years). Till I finally just gave up….. Instead of maths we played with the cat, watched Modern Family and he danced around the living room. I didn’t want to do maths either really. I am torn often between these two paradigms in parenting. Knowing when it’s a time for guidance or a time to letting go. As he gets older there’s more of the latter.
Growing up for them and for us is simple but it’s not always easy. On the cusp of becoming a tween my little boy is really growing into his own person and it’s now one less day that I have left for mothering as he takes one step further away from me phsyically, mentally and emotionally. I can only begin to look back at all the times of nurturing we shared as a little one and remember the simplicity of the co-dependency and know that in his and in my heart we are always connected. Which is what I used to tell him when he went to school crying or missed me at his Dads. Our bond and attachment will never be tainted and today I can only trust that our past love will be the foundation for his choices in his future.
So my reminder this month for you all, my fellow mums and dads, is: love them while you can! Hold them, sleep with them, cuddle them, spoil them, play with them, take lots of holidays and just enjoy. Because pretty soon you will become redundant – it will come out of the blue when you least expect it. The shoe will be on the other foot. Just like when you dropped them at day care crying, or left them for the weekend with your folks…. this time they are leaving you and you will have to do the big let go with as much grace and courage as possible.
I wish the best of luck with your letting go journey – whether you are in throws of labour, or letting go of your sleep, or letting go of your tween…watch out for those big ones and remember that:
With deep love
Check out just some of these words that truly warmed my heart from last year’s fertility workshop:
“I am so happy to let you know that I am 18 weeks pregnant at the moment!!!!!!!!!!…… Thank you for all those wonderful breathing techniques, asana and qi gong we learnt in your first fertility workshop.”
“I just wanted to say a huge thank-you from the bottom of my heart for such an amazingly beautiful experience. It was so lovely to be in a space with such gorgeous women who are all going through their own personal journey of conception.”
“It was great to realize that I am not alone and that there is support out there.”